It’s easy to point fingers and tell someone to “just leave” or “get out of there,” but I want to make one thing clear. The situation I’m about to discuss is different from the one I referred to earlier. In our first session, I was talking about people who post videos complaining, saying things like, “This is life with a narcissist; he’s so controlling.” That is a completely different scenario.

Today, I took a phone call from a woman in a much more serious situation. She’s dealing with gaslighting, being lied to, and overall manipulation. This is a woman who’s married, and her husband is playing games with her. He’s constantly pointing the finger at her, saying things like, “I cheated because of you; I cheated because of what you did. It’s your fault I’m cheating.”

Let me make this very clear to everyone listening: **If you are being cheated on, it is never your fault.** I don’t care what the situation is—it is never your fault. Cheating is always the responsibility of the person who cheats. They have a character deficiency that justifies their actions in their own mind, but cheating is never justified. It doesn’t matter who you are or what your situation is—cheating is never okay.

At the very least, a conversation should happen before such actions are taken. The woman I spoke to mentioned that her husband had told her over the years, “Well, you did this, and you did that, and that’s why I’m cheating.” She responded by asking, “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you communicate these things to me so we could talk about them and prevent them from happening again?”

That is a healthy attitude. That is someone who is emotionally mature and cares deeply about the relationship. I don’t know the full story between them, but let this be a lesson to everyone: **Once communication breaks down, you’re done.** If you start going tit-for-tat or fighting fire with fire, it’s over. You might as well check out and leave because, at that point, the relationship is on a downward spiral.

If you care about your relationship, you need to communicate with your partner. This is how it should go between two emotionally mature people:

“Honey, I didn’t really like what you said the other day because it made me feel like this.”

If you’re in a relationship with a healthy person, their response should be, “Okay, let’s talk about it. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I’m sorry, and let’s work it out so it won’t happen again.”

However, an emotionally immature person might say, “Oh, you’re being too sensitive. Why do you always do this? Why are you always trying to start fights?”

If someone responds to your communication in that way when you’re trying to convey how they hurt you, **get out.** That person is not worthy of your time and effort. I know I’m being blunt and a bit harsh, but I’m telling you this from experience. Someone who dismisses your feelings and accuses you of always starting arguments is not someone you can effectively communicate with.

Over time, staying in such a relationship will lead to a loss of self-respect, self-esteem, and eventually, you may lose yourself in the relationship. You’ll keep trying to get back what you once had, but it won’t happen because it takes two people to make it work. You can’t do it alone; you can’t love enough for two people, and you can’t communicate enough for two people. It takes both partners to make it happen, and if your partner is unwilling, you must be willing to walk away.

Walking away is the only way to show that you won’t tolerate being treated poorly. Hopefully, if that person really loves you or realizes the error of their ways, they’ll reach out to you at some point. If they don’t, then you did the right thing because now you’ve broken free. If they do reach out, you can assess the situation and decide whether to give them another chance or to move on.

To the woman I spoke to, I truly hope your situation improves because I hate hearing stories like yours. Unfortunately, in my 17 years in this business, I’ve heard many stories like yours, and they usually don’t end well. Most of the time, they end in separation. While I won’t give any specific advice or recommendations, I hope you can preserve your self-esteem, self-respect, and dignity—because everyone deserves that.